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Fighting for My Limitations

My dear friend called me last week.

I was struggling with a decision around a quirky loan.  I was sharing my “doubts” with my friend about signing this document, which terms seemed to change with every conversation I had with the lender.

My friend said “you can pay this back easily, Bonnie,” which wasn’t really a part of the issue, but soon became a part of the conversation.

“Bonnie, you got this one, it’s easy for you.” I could hear her certainty.

“No it isn’t, let me tell you why….” I rebutted as I listed a whole host of reasons as to why I was going to fail.

She shared a story with me of when she was in a similar situation and won.  “This is how I looked at it prior to the decision and since then…”

“Yes, but I’m not you and this is how we are different …..” another list of limitations came spewing out of my mouth.

After ten minutes I felt so bad inside I suggested we hang up until I could have a centered conversation.

I got quiet and started laughing at myself.  First, I knew to say “no” to the loan because the terms kept shifting.  The decision was obvious.  My surprise came with my willingness to fight for my limitations.  My friend could see ME and I was busy saying very small things about myself.  My body responded to the words I was speaking which didn’t honor my incarnation.  I was betting against myself.

I sat down and wrote the Truth about myself.  I am the Presence of Good incarnate.  I am here on planet earth to bring forth my radiant splendor for the benefit of humanity.  Love and Service are my two highest values.  The details of the how are making their way to me right now, I can rest in the knowing it is done.  I Trust myself to make decisions of power and to advocate for Me.  I release this option and open to the perfect solution for myself.  I am blessed and truly blessed.

I called my friend and two of us laughed so hard.  She couldn’t believe how willing I was to throw myself under the bus.  “It wasn’t like you,” she said.  It was the shifty loan I wanted to throw under the bus, not me.  I got confused.  I made a note to myself to not confuse who I am with situations in the world and to listen carefully to my body.  It knew.  I celebrated my ability to catch this in ten minutes, not months, weeks or days.

From this moment forward, should I choose to engage in the energy of “fight” it is going to be for my splendor and the splendor of others.

With a Joyful Heart,

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