Who Am I Becoming?
I walked through hell for two months. Okay, I don’t really believe in hell, but if I did, I was walking through it. As an emotional empath, I was experiencing in my body the impact of shifts in the cosmos, country, and casa. And the shifts in my home were enough to take a weaker person down. Through the hellacious stroll, I continued to be grateful that I believed in a God of Good, not punishment. This meant while taking each deliberate step forward I knew I was surrounded by The Presence of Peace, Love, Joy, and Prosperity that regardless of my perception, I was completely and totally held. I also knew that this Presence was within me and would sync up to the outer Presence girding me with a promise of something new transforming and emerging from within me. I cannot imagine how anyone could walk through this physical, mental, and spiritual life without being aware of their connection to the Source of All of It. So I start here in gratitude:
I am grateful that I KNOW the Presence of God, loves, moves, and has Its beingness within me now.
I was also aware that the drama and trauma surrounding me could be interpreted in many ways. I could have looked at it from the perspective of being a victim, “why is this happening to me? Why is did my house a/c die? Why did the condo a/c die? Why is the shower continuing to leak despite multiple plumbers and attempted fixes and thousands of dollars of investments? How come my home roof is leaking? What about my pool pipes that broke and the pool water that flooded my backyard? Why did I lose my ministry database I’ve gathered for the past decade plus? Why did one, two, three, four friends die in two weeks? How come so-and-so is being mean to me?” I could ponder a curse. I could bemoan (okay I did a little of that) my current state, yet my commitment to myself was to be present to what is in front of me, do my best, and ask for spiritual and physical support.
I am fully and completely Loved by a Presence much stronger than any condition showing itself to me at the moment.
So I reached out to my spiritual brothers. There are two men who have walked my path with me for decades. I called them and asked them to be with me energetically on this difficult part of the trail. They affirmed the chaos in the cosmic change and reminded me of my Spiritual Self. I was ushered many times back in the Light with one brother on each wing dragging me toward the “Light grid,” as they called it. They prayed with me and spoke Spiritual Truth in a way that my Soul could hear it. One girlfriend and I started a daily ritual of reading Joel Goldsmith aloud to each other. And, as always, I prayed and meditated. I was reminded that spiritual practices grounds heavenly consciousness onto earth through me.
Light exists in the darkest areas of the planet. Both are expressions of God’s Divine Love.
If I am not a victim of circumstance, then what is really going on when a tidal wave of yuck is in my space? I decided not to label it. I decided to let the circumstance have its space as I had mine. And my space would be filled with The Presence as I continued to move forward. Then I noticed the new emerging. I could see aspects of my personality dying. I watched thought patterns leave my body. I noticed a new inside of me showing itself to me. The emergence had more freedom and compassion within it and also came with intense clarity of what was and wasn’t mine to be and to do and an urgency to complete anything old and then physically make a move. I continue to explore this new grateful for the break down of the old.
In order for the new to emerge, the old attachments within me will be called to wither and die. I say YES to this process as I walk in the Faith of God as the Good.
The unknown is a friendly place.
I am left with an appreciation of the emergence process; the power of not labeling; the gifts of friends who know and love me; the desire to continue to live my life fully and authentically; to be in and of Love; and the realization that each human being on this planet is molting and making new. This is not a time to judge others; it is a time to appreciate the beauty of their being as they do it the best way they know how.
Life is Go(o)d.