The Field of Right and Wrong Making
A minister colleague saw me as being wrong within a situation. She wanted me to provide her with some marketing materials unique to her church and yet she refused to ask me for them. She felt I ought to “know.” I knew her perception had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her pattern of pushing people away, making them wrong in order to step in and be the right one who cleans up the mess saving the day. This pattern provided her with a false sense of superiority. I saw the pattern.
And yet, this woman was so caught up in her story that she refused to have a conversation. I was committed to speak at her church and she refused to talk with me. At this point I knew I could do one of several things: see the pattern for what it is and bless her, or step into the energy field of right and wrong making myself an investigator. As I was pondering these two choices, I heard my energy doctor’s voice behind me say, “don’t you dare step into the field, it could kill you” and I chose to disregard his wisdom and step in.
God is all there is. There is One Energy, One Power, One Presence and yet, there are fields of energy which exist at various strengths because so many people believe in them and live from them. The field of right and wrong making is one of these fields. Although not Real in the Eternal Holy Sense, this human dynamic has been leveraged to hurt each other, diminish each other, start and wage wars, perpetuate hatred, underpin lawsuits, cause many stress-related illnesses — the right/wrong dynamic is actively lived out through billions of people.
I stepped into this energy field and ping ponged back and forth between right and wrong. I learned:
Being Right Starts the Fight. That’s right. We value “right” so much in this country that we don’t often stop to process it is the person who believes they are right that starts the lawsuit, divorce, war, fight, etc. Many battles never take place between two people and exist within one person. We begin by having the Right Voice within us making us wrong and creating shame, blame, guilt and all kinds of internal drama.
Taking Care of the Body is Essential in This Dynamic. Moving the body through exercise moves some of the energy. Touch is important in order to connect with the humanity of us all. Feeling the emotions that are present and finding ways to release them in a healthy fashion supports healing.
There is a Big Price Tag Attached to This Dynamic. I allowed myself to be beaten up by this right/wrong dynamic. This stress brought me within one week to a three hour massage ($180), two EMDR sessions ($220), one practitioner session ($125), one energy healing session ($90), a reflexology appointment ($95). Many people live within this dynamic and are criticized and made wrong daily. The physical and emotional impact and the health care cost related to this dynamic can be tremendous.
Forgiveness Cleans Up the Mess. Feeling all emotions is a necessary part of healing. Feeling, but not belaboring or getting stuck in the emotion. Feeling the guilt, anger, resentment, pain, as they arise while being awake to the witness of the feeling This awareness allows us to see that there is something within us separate from the emotion that is doing the witnessing. We realize we are experiencing an emotion; an emotion isn’t having us. This insight can be enough to wake us up into choice. Practicing Graciousness of Space within oneself and toward another transforms the emotional grief bringing about relief. I reach out for support while I’m doing this, should I need it. Then, I act out of the inspired Grace.
I Commit To Myself to Stay out of the Dynamic in the Future. Someone can lob a “wrong” bomb at me in the future, and I can deal with it without stepping into the energy of it. I commit to live outside of the field of right and wrong making.
Beyond our ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in the grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’ doesn’t make sense any more. Rumi