Living as an Empath

I have had such a rocky road with being sensitive.

When I first heard the word empath decades ago I felt validated. I was now part of a group that had been shamed or made wrong for being different than the average person. Sensitive, for me, meant physical sensitivities to smells, laundry detergent, and allergies to everything from grass to pollens to foods. It meant environmental sensitivities — recoiling at loud noises, claustrophobic in crowds. It meant having diseases or issues that didn’t exist or couldn’t be explained. My favorite doctor said to me fifteen years ago “we used to think people like you made up ailments and recently we learned in medical literature there is a small group of people like you we now call sensitives.”

And most notably; I am emotionally sensitive. I can feel energies when I walk into a room. I am aware of the emotions of people within a few yards of me. I collect anxiety and stress around me like lint on a fine black suit. I dug into literature, spoke with therapists and other sensitives. I came to understand that on the human spectrum being sensitive was real and like a left hander didn’t make someone weaker; just differently abled.

Decades ago my spiritual teacher gave me the assignment to ask the question of myself “is this mine?” And what a great question it is. You and I live in a pool of shared consciousness and this question shakes off the lint, the confusion, and gets to the heart of alignment. This past week I listened to a podcast with Dr. Dain Heer or Access Consciousness. He said he asks the question, “whose is this?” And he doesn’t expect or need an answer. Just asking it releases that which isn’t his. He said he asks the question for everything like “whose thought is this?” “whose pain is this?” “whose depression is this?” “whose confusion is this?” Clarity and relief often follows. So, I’ve added this question to my portfolio.

I’ve learned the importance of self care which looks different for me than others. All people, of course, could benefit from these practices, but it is essential for empaths. Self care looks like:

Solitude and quiet time. This is necessary for restoration.

Healthy boundaries. Compassion without boundaries leads to exhaustion. An empath must learn that saying no is a holy word and a sentence unto itself.

Emotional clarity. Naming emotions accurately gives freedom. Research now shows that emotional granularity — or the ability to identify rising emotions with precision demonstrates emotional maturity.

Relationships rooted in honesty and kindness. Because empaths sense subtle dynamics, superficiality, manipulation, and hidden hostility can be especially painful. They thrive with people who communicate clearly, respect sensitivity, and value depth.

Many healers, artists, teachers, ministers, and wise friends are empaths. Their capacity to feel can become discernment, compassion, intuition, and spiritual strength when properly tended. The goal is not to become less sensitive, but more skillful with sensitivity.

Co-dependency and sensitivity are not the same thing.

Sensitivity usually means you notice and feel more deeply than average. You may be emotionally aware, intuitive, compassionate, responsive to tone, conflict, beauty, suffering, or environmental input.

Sensitivity can be a healthy trait. It often comes with empathy, creativity, insight, and depth.

Codependency is a relationship pattern where your sense of peace, worth, or identity becomes overly tied to another person’s emotions, needs, approval, or problems. Codependency is usually not a gift—it is a coping strategy often learned in chaotic, addicted, critical, or emotionally inconsistent environments.

I have discovered prayer, meditation, journaling, walks, and deep conversations to be essential to my well-being.