Stability within Transition

Transitions can be difficult.

I spoke today with a friend who lost her husband this year and another friend who lost her child. Both are trying to find some form of stability within and around themselves as they move forward to the best of their ability.

I got married. This is wonderful. I am moving. This too is wonderful. I am renting out my home. Also, wonderful. Yet this too is transition and major on the life scale of changes and I am struggling within myself.

During the past three months I have found myself waking up to do manual packing, cleaning, organizing, moving labor, being productive throughout the entire day, then falling asleep tired. I have put my spiritual practice somewhat on the back burning. Or more accurately my practice has changed from being the first thing I do in the morning to taking Spirit breaks throughout the day. Three months into this “no activity is the same today as yesterday” and feeling an urgency to complete these tasks I don’t enjoy — I have hit a wall. I can’t manual labor any longer. I went too hard and fast and continual and in the process withered, not maintained, my energy. Now I must rest.

I sit down and meditate in silence for an hour. Aaaah. I pray for guidance and I grab a deck of Tarot. I pull a card for where I am currently at and it is upside with the meaning “stuck” and “unresourceful.” Yep, this is correct. The answer, then, comes with an upright card with the message “routine.” I laugh. I laugh hard. I have told myself for the past sixty days to have the same morning routine. Walk. Journal. Meditate. Pray. Write. Work on my internet platform. Then work on the transition details. Like tithing. Give first to my Source then move forward. And I haven’t done it. The cards reflect back to me that my intuitive knowing was right. So I start this morning. I give everything related to time to Divine Presence and I move forward and inward.

When the world around is changing, the stability I yearn for begins within. I notice my external grasping. I notice my desire to be saved from all of the tasks and emotions that come with the new. I decide to keep an energy journal so I can remind myself to feed myself first, then tend to the rest. Or, put on my oxygen mask not trying to serve another forgetting my basic needs.

Life truly is Good and amazing. Every day I am grateful to be alive, to love, and to explore my inner world and the outer world. I remind myself of this as things seem hard.

“To love yourself, truly love yourself, is to finally discover the essence of personal courage, self-respect, integrity, and self-esteem. These are the qualities of grace that come directly from a soul with stamina.” Caroline Myss