Contemplating Roles and Boundaries

This week I listened to a podcast between a football player and a rock musician. In the conversation the musician said that playing little league football taught him that he had a role to play. He took on his ‘position.’ By owning his position he could lean into his role and trust his team mates would handle their roles. Because of this, he didn’t feel a need to compete with his team mates or work outside of his designated responsibilities. He said his childhood football training served him as a drum player. Commiting to his role as a drum player, he could trust the lead singer, guitarists, and other musicians to do their part. As he spoke I felt a freedom and clarity that came with a specialty.

As a former senior minister I experienced a lot of messiness when roles weren’t clear. Board members taking on the role of a minister, volunteers making decisions for the staff, it could get real messy. I think about the personalities that stepped beyond their roles and over functioned, burnt out and became resentful. Much of this, I observed came from personalities that felt they weren’t enough and by leaking into the area of others, or over performing, they could feel temporarily superior.

Put in another context it sounds silly. If the linebacker or drummer decided to become the quarterback or guitarist, it would disturb the energy of the entire team.

My husband and I have conversations often about who is responsible for what. This way we aren’t stepping on each other’s toes, duplicating efforts or disagreeing over misunderstandings. Clarity and boundaries are a beautiful things.

I think of cancer cells that are cells that have gone rogue. Healthy cells operate in cooperation with the whole. Your body of cells is a sophisticated community. Healthy cells know their purpose, respond to commuication with chemical signals, respect boundaries and cooperate. They know when and how to die.

A cancer cell begins as a normal cell that accumulates genetic and sometimes epigenetic changes affecting its behavior. These changes can interfere with the systems that regulate growth, repair, and cell death.

Cancer cells can develop several remarkable characteristics. They continue multiplying when they should stop. Normal cells have mechanisms that limit their division. Cancer cells can override these controls. They resist instructions to die. A damaged normal cell may destroy itself to protect the organism. Cancer cells can acquire ways to evade this process. They stop respecting boundaries. Malignant cells can invade neighboring tissues. Some can enter the bloodstream or lymphatic system and establish tumors elsewhere, a process called metastasis. They redirect resources toward themselves. Tumors can release chemical signals that encourage the growth of new blood vessels, supplying oxygen and nutrients. They evade immune defenses. Cancer cells can develop ways to avoid detection or suppress the immune responses that would otherwise attack them. In other words, the cell is no longer participating in the same regulated manner as its healthy neighbors.

Other examples in nature include riverbanks that have been breeched leading to flooding. Fires without restrictive boundaries that take over and destroy. Invasive species that consume a forest or environment.

All of this brings me to contemplating one of my favorite sayings by Byron Katie. She says there is my business, your business, and God’s business. She recommends we stay in our lane, minding our own business or playing the drums or playing running back. Clarity and boundaries provide an inner strength that feeds the whole.