Deconstruct to Reconstruct

I am sitting in my living room, next to the large picture window, taking in the beautiful Spring day. In the background I hear the cutting of concrete and the noise of hammers hitting the floors. I am having a bathroom built in my basement. As I sit and read about the cycles of the moon a crew of four men are deconstructing a storage closet and turning it into a bathroom.

It amazes me how much deconstruction is necessary in order to build something new. There is a lot of effort to cut through the 100 plus year old concrete in order to create a groove to add in piping and begin to create a usable bathroom. It has me thinking about the pattern changes I’ve made in my life. Several of them are relatively simple.

I look at learning to drive. This took three months of reading, classroom, hands on driving, practice, practice, practice then test taking. Then I look at unlearning my pattern of keeping things. This has been emotionally difficult. This has been like the tearing apart of old concrete to create new pathways for something different. I look at my behavior of buying and holding onto excessive pairs of eye glasses. Then I look at the thoughts that brought me to this place. I tell myself: 1. I have an eyewear store that is very affordable (I can buy four pairs for the price of one elsewhere), 2. Glasses are a fashion accessory, 3. It is a form of self-expression, 4. They bring me joy and levity. Then I ask myself how many is too many?

Is ten pairs too much? Is twenty? Is forty? Is seventy? I actually don’t know how many pairs I own as I refuse to look. And, who determines too much? I sit with all of these questions and then I ask myself about releasing this joy and self expression to others who may be in need of glasses. I think of the good work the Lions Club does. I decide to give away half of my glasses. Before I do, though, I stop and give thanks for all of the memories associated with them as they become symbolic storytellers for me. Once I’ve diminished my load to half I decide to limit myself to four pairs of sunglasses, four pairs of regular glasses and two pairs of computer glasses. Ten in total. I make a commitment to myself that I can now replace glasses, if I choose, but I cannot accumulate them.

There is a feeling of immense freedom in giving away something I love knowing it is someone else’s turn to love it. And it’s not easy. So I go gentle on myself, drink more water, and give more thanks.

I am aware that as I become more mature (aka age) I want to simplify not accumulate. I want a lighter load. This requires letting go. It also means deconstructing behaviors, identities, patterns, and embracing a new way of being in the world.

The Hindus have a god for deconstruction and construction. Cycles have periods of pause/reflect/contract and expand and flourish. Maybe all aspects of the flow can become equally easy? Hmmmm.

“Without some deconstruction, everything becomes idolatrous. The prophets were religious deconstructionists.” Richard Rohr