The Healing Power of An Apology

My daughter told me this week that I made fun of the song she wanted to have for her wedding. She wanted the Song 1,000 Years. She said she told me that and I said it was corny, sappy, and other insulting words so she chose not to use it. Now it is one of my favorite songs and the hurt has boiled up to the surface. I have no memory of insulting her song, and I also believe my daughter completely. So, I apologized. I said, “I was clearly a jerk. I am so sorry.” I have apologized to her a few more times after I have thought how much that must hurt and I didn’t like that I would have hurt her.

Then my sister asked me, this week, if I remembered being in my teens and dumping pancake batter on her friend’s head. I have zero memory of this event, either. And, I believe my sister. I have another apology coming.

These two events caused me to sit with myself and go back into my past to sit with former selves. As I did, I interesting realized those parts of myself are hard to find. So much time has passed, so much growth has happened. I can’t feel the frustrated teenager who would be compelled to dress up my sister’s friend’s hair with a food accessory. I also can’t imagine the mother inside of me that would not support my daughter in her wedding song choices.

As you and I evolve ourselves from hurt and wounded victim identities into whole and generous people, aspects of ourselves drop away through transformation. AND the people we hurt carry the pain we placed upon them. An apology frees both parties recognizing that the unkind bully energy isn’t the dominate energy — the value of the person that was hurt is. As the person apologizing it has touched an inner humility for all of humanity, understanding how unconscious energy behaves.

This Lent season I am going through purification process and an internal clean up job. If you are one of the many people I have hurt directly or indirectly I apologize. Please know that however someone behaves has NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with them. This Lenten season you are invited to join me in practicing compassion to your previous selves and loving whomever is in front of you.

Seasons’s Blessings.