Soul Sick

I desperately needed a day or two off.

No electronics.

No manual labor (yep, I am still preparing my home for furnished renting).

No people. Just me and God with the world and all of its demands and distractions behind a closed door.

My energy was more than leaking. It had leaked and was close to empty.

I decided yesterday to rest.

The day prior I had picked up Patricia Cornwell’s autobiography True Crime at the library. I hadn’t read a book by Cornwell for ten plus years and her new book combined two things I used to love reading. Mystery and autobiography. I laid on the couch yesterday all day, with the exception of taking a walk, drinking water while reading this book from the preface to page 454; the last page.

I have always been taken by (auto)biographies watching how the Living Spirit works in people’s lives. The challenges an individual has that are brought forward to develop a talent or depth in their being, and the hand of God pulling the person out of trouble through support of a person or circumstances. The autobiography True Crime was no different.

Cornwell grew up with two parents who had mental illness issues leaving her often emotionally abandoned. What soothed her would be her love of movement such as tennis and exploring the outdoors. Her curiosity and imagination companioned her. And her writing was a salve and relief. She was part of a community aware of the family situation who stepped in when nurturing was needed. Acts of kindness that the author would relive as a life line. Cornwell, herself, would experience difficult emotional patches which distracted her from her solid self bringing her into depression and eventually an eating disorder that brought her to 86 pounds. On the brink of suicide several times what saved her were people who loved her who invited her back into self expression through writing. When she was in the world observing, witnessing, learning, and writing she was alive.

This was a God moment for me. How obvious it is to people around us what lights us up and turns us on? And, how easy it can be for us to forget or neglect this part of us diminishing our Soul power in some way.

Decades ago I heard the term “soul sickness” attributed to a shamanic diagnosis. “Soul sickness” is when someone is out of step daily with who they are and they become despondent. An individual could be engaged in wrong work, self neglect (not nurturing what they love), wrong relationship(s), and experiencing a separation from community and Source.

Interestingly, the tribal energy includes community as part of and foundational to the individual life. As I read Cornwell’s life I saw how her community stepped in to care for her and her family when her parents went through crisis’. Ruth Graham, Billy Graham’s wife was one of those earth angels. Throughout the book her relationship becomes one of saving a child to a mother figure, to becoming friends and deep love over a lifetime. Watching Spirit bring this and other relationships into a young girl’s life reminds me of the magic of the people in my life and how we are parented by many more adults than our birth parents and we are given the opportunity to parent others who aren’t our children.

This week I also listened to a podcast interview with Carlo Santana’s wife of 34 years, Deborah. She says when she is looking at entering into a relationship, friendship, or project she asks herself the question, “Does this decision bring more Love and Beauty into my life?” This question, or something like it, is medicine that prevents Soul Sickness and a guide on the journey.

This week I am compiling a list of my Soul medicine. What brings me alive? What practices brings me to Center? How can I remember Source when I feel separate?

“My work was to serve my own spirit.” Deborah Santana