You Are More than Any Trauma You’ve Experienced

I learned yesterday that a woman I went to high school with died. Many of my classmates have passed away but this one left me processing the last twenty four hours.

This woman was physically beautiful, a knock-out. The “It” girl as my friend aptly named her. Every guy wanted to date her, every girl wanted to be her. She came from an affluent family. She was a cheerleader. She had a smile that was punctuated by dimples. Everyone knew her name and surprisingly she knew theirs, too. When Facebook came out, it was no surprise she had many followers. We followed each other. She would send me private and public messages referring to me by “Earth Angel,” which many of my closest friends called me, and so we built a Facebook friendship decades after high school.

Then, I visited Seattle. She asked me to stay with her for several days. I said “yes” as my curiosity was in full bloom. Who did this woman who seemed to hold the world in the palm of her hands become? I showed up at her waterfront condo where she met me at the door. One look at her face and I knew she was an alcoholic. One look in her bathroom cupboard and I knew she was also addicted to pills. The two days would be interesting. She didn’t eat, despite me filling her refrigerator with food. She didn’t sleep as she jumped out of bed every five minutes, unable to rest. As an empath I felt for her, and I felt with her.

During our time together I asked a lot of questions and listened. I learned her back story. She was molested by her father’s best friend as a pre-teen. Her family didn’t believe her (which was really common in the 1970s). She was betrayed twice. First, by the perpetrator, then the parents. And, she never got over it. Her answer? Self medicate. This led to an addiction. This beautiful woman who seemed to have all of the advantages on her side was hurting inside and never got help.

Here she was in her fifties and saw herself as broken, damaged, and in oodles of pain. I reached out to some high school friends. Her high school best friend met us for a walk on the beach. “It” girl didn’t drink in the morning and by 11 am was sweating and shaking. The three of us spoke as we gently recommended getting help for addiction. Her former bestie would research addiction facilities and follow up with her as I didn’t live in Seattle. Then we met with another woman from her cheerleading squad who was a coach. She offered to work with her and check in with her weekly. A team was in place, and I left.

“It” girl died from a broken heart and addiction this week. Never to find love. Never to marry and have children. Never to be sober as an adult.

It got me thinking about trauma. Trauma comes in so many forms, one of them sexual abuse. Trauma is NOT the person. It is a condition that lives within a person and can be transformed with a lot of emotional, psychological, and spiritual work. Within each of us is a Spirit that NEVER is harmed or endangered. It is Eternal. It is Bright. It is a Light. True healing happens when the wound is exposed to the Light, the victim becomes a victor through on-going diligent work, and then gives back in service toward others. Left untreated, trauma turns into mental illness, addiction, crime, low self-esteem, self-harm, under-earning, all kinds of out-picturing. At one point in my life I wanted to write a book on the cost of trauma to our culture. It is tremendous.

Today I sit in prayer. I trust the Divine Presence in all that It does. I know my high school classmate in free of her body and free of pain. I put my vote in that her next incarnation be easier and filled with the awareness of how deeply each of us is loved by the Creator. My prayer continues that those in our culture who are in the effects of trauma find the solution within themselves and get the support needed.

This week begins advent. It is a time of preparation for the coming of Divine Love in human form. I remind myself this was not a one-and-done in Bethlehem. It happens with the birth of every child. Scripture speaks of being re-born. To me this means finding that innocence within us that was never harmed, or danger knowing it can be a long road AND worth every step of it.

Peace be with you.