Contemplating Relationships

I am now living with my husband.

After ten years of up and downs, on and offs, healings and forgiving we got married. Deciding we are going to be snowbirds I head down to Arizona to spend some time with my sweetie and set up house. Then my phone blows up. I receive many inquiries from around the country asking how I am and how my house is. Spokane is burning. It is hard for me to believe. I have lived most of my life in the Pacific Northwest and wildfires in major cities just wasn’t a thing. The Pacific NW is wet and green. The last time Spokane had a major fire when the city burned down was August 4, 1889 afterwhich the city was reimagined.

I think for awhile about the fire and how reimagining new isn’t a bad thing. But violent, unwanted change is hard on most of us humans. I think about the potential loss of my home, which has withstood all kinds of assaults for 103 years. I think about my neighbors I deeply love with all of the parties in each others backyards. Then the softness of my being leads me into contemplating the potency of relationships.

I have said for decades that my superpower is relationships. I’ve heard many entrepreneurs say they can be dropped in any city and immediately be able to make money. I say I can be dropped in any city and I find the coolest, kindest, most interesting people almost immediately and eventually build a relationship.

So my phone blows up from loved ones concerned about my well-being. Sending wishes, prayers, surrounding me and my home in loving energy. And, I receive. I have messages from California, Arizona, Washington, Oregon, Nevada, from people whose churches or centers I’ve spoken in. It is like an energetic bath of love. There is a concern for my well-being, for my health, for my emotional state, for my future. Not the icky heavy “concern” but the light uplifting, caring, we-are-there-for-you kind of concern.

Relationships are interesting as there is a lot of joy and a lot of acceptance/forgiveness/self reflective insight all from the same friends. Poet David Whyte says:

“But no matter the medicinal virtues of being a true friend or sustaining a long close relationship with another, the ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement, neither of the other nor of the self, the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.”
― David Whyte, Consolations – Revised edition: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words

There are health benefits to relationships. The bonding agent oxytocin is generated and floods the body with feel good emotions. This can reduce stress, high blood pressure, reduce anxiety, improve immunity functions. Spiritually, we awaken to the realization that everyone is God in drag. This produces a practice of deep introspection and thoughtfulness when showing up in the presence of others. This keeps curiosity active and alive.

Most of all friendships activate a lot of Joy. My prayers often include prayers for those that are lonely, that they may find connection to self, The Divine and others. And, this too is a practice.