Community | Bonnie Barnard - Part 4

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Broken Heartedness

“We are pain and what cures pain, both.” Rumi “What is real can never be fully taken away; its essence always remains.” Poet David Whyte Many years ago, my heart broke wide open and since then I have not been the same. It splintered after an operation and my body wasn’t recovering well. My heart broke for the vulnerability and fragility of my physical being. At the same time, my father died. The grief oozed through my body and I saw everything through the temporal lens of death. Listening to a song I would say to myself “this could be the last time I hear this song,” then I’d cry for its beauty. Watching sunrises and sunsets choked me up more. I couldn’t imagine anything more beautiful and I knew there would be a time when my eyes would behold its last. At the same time, a major relationship ended. I chose to leave my home town and relocate to a city far away from family and friends and...

Election Results, Rape, and Other Stuff

Tuesday night I sat in my family room, herbal tea in hand, in my pajamas and wrapped in a blanket awaiting election results. With my cell phone on the coffee table in front of me ready to text friends, I imagined it would be a long night and I possibly wouldn’t know election results until the morning. And then it happened fast. I watched MSNBC for results out of my respect for Rev. Al Sharpton. In 2008 I attended a friend’s Baptist church in downtown Los Angeles to hear the Reverend speak. I sat in the front row, the only white person in the holy house, and I rested upon every word he said. His sermon was the best I’d heard up at that point in my life, which was impressive as I had listened to thousands of talks. Since that moment, I seek him out to hear how he puts language together, uses metaphor, tells stories, inspires, and speaks raw truth as he knows it. However, there was...

My Vulnerability Hangover

Three Wednesday’s ago I began giving talks at a local church with the purposeful intent of going deeper into Spirit. These one hour gatherings include spiritual practices, insights, and conversations between individuals wanting to activate their inner Spirit and live from their Soul as home base. The first evening I spoke of the Highest Most and Innermost God being One God; based upon Dr. Ernest Holmes’ Declaration of Principles. I spoke of the quantum field and the scientific discovery of light within humanity. And I spoke of each one of us as the Light of God and contributors to shaping the field, or the collective consciousness. After a powerful evening I returned home feeling a deep, deep dread. I experienced a scare born out of self exposure. I had nuded myself in front of a room full of people and I felt vulnerable. And, I couldn’t shake it. My sleep was a bit restless and I awoke with the desire of calling everyone who attend for the evening to...

Birthday Letter to my Deceased Father

Today is my father’s birthday. He was my teacher when he was alive and continues to be my teacher after his death. On September 22, I posted a blog, Letters to Lillianne, about my practice of writing letters to my grand daughter to remind her of her Spiritual heritage and introduce her to her ancestral lineage. Another letter writing practice I look forward to is writing my father a letter on his birthday and Father’s Day to honor how he has informed me. And, today is his birthday. While my father walked this planet he taught me: To show up when I make a commitment, To decide I am personally responsible for the well-being of myself and my community, To teach through being and doing, To realize I wear my character on my sleeve and I can’t help but show it to others, To be willing to do what is mine to do whether it’s comfortable or not, To stand up for humanity when they can’t; then to teach...

Going Deeper

Last month I made a pilgrimage to Los Angeles to attend an Emerging Edge Conversation with Rev. Dr. Michael Beckwith at Agape International Spiritual Center. I have been a long time supporter, grateful participant, and distant congregant of this center visiting four or five times per year for the past twenty years. This visit was different. I entered into the sacred space and felt it. The field was palpable. The air was vibrant. I knew I was sitting in a consciously built field of Go(o)d and I knew the very place I sat in was pregnant with Infinite Possibility. I felt it. What existed in this space was so much more than a spiritual leader who lives from Truth; although this was essential to the field. The space, I knew, was created by hundreds of practitioners in prayer, by inspired music vibrating throughout the room, by a community who has a regular spiritual practice and yes, a powerful spiritual leader who embodies Go(o)d. In the midst of this field a...

More Love, Please

I am seated at a local restaurant known for their fresh funky pizza and gourmet salads. Across the table from me is a robust South American woman with a space between her teeth, afro cut close to her head and a wickedly joyous laugh which produces an inner smile when I hear it. Glenda is my new friend, although she calls me a sister. It took many years for us to meet. Seven years ago my L.A. friend, Nina, brought me to a meeting at her local chapter of Women for World Peace (WfWP). Founded by the Unification Church, this group of women attracts members across faiths and countries bonding women as sisters creating a network of peace. I actively tried joining the Phoenix chapter and emails went unanswered, phone calls not returned. I let it go. Until now. Glenda became the new president of the local chapter. She dug through past files to find my name, call me, and take me out for lunch. With a pizza between...