Bringing Love to It All
Angel in Brazilian Church
Most mornings for me begin with a several mile walk to a coffee shop, sitting in an overstuffed chair with an herbal ice tea in one hand and a book in the other, and then walking back home. Throughout this “me” time I am provided with an onslaught of insight about my life. I may remember who I’ve been or I experience being pulled into who I’m becoming. More often, I am practicing being present with each step and each breath.
This year I turn fifty. I see this as permission to strip away and shed all voices except my One True Voice. Maybe they aren’t stripped or shed, but they certainly are encouraged to take second place to the One True Voice. She comes forward on occassion with some brilliant recognition, more often then not, she comes forward with a deep love and I translate that well of feeling into words.
I have been working on a book, well several to be honest, and I haven’t liked the “voice” I’ve been writing from. It is an old, tired, dying off voice, and yet it is the one I’m grasping at the moment, so I write from her. Occassionally the One True Voice steps in and the writing is richer. There is a spaciousness with her. As I was walking today I was flooded, again, with how my wounded youthful self did the best she could and in the process hurt others. I know I create from the energy I am in, and many of my former creations weren’t pretty. I begin seeing in my mind and feeling in my being these offenses. It is a beautiful inventory process as I have lived this process, now, for years, and know I will receive more energy at the end of it, and Love to replace the ignorance.
With each internal picture flashing upon my mental screen, the One True Voice says to me “bring love to it all.” And I do, well, I guess it’s me, She feels more like Divine Grace. What I am aware I do, is stay out of the way and allow the process to complete itself. My role is acceptance. I watch and simultaneously feel the energy within me morphing.
I return home and sit in contemplation. I contemplate a life of “bringing love to it all.”
Bonnie, bless you for sharing your process of becoming more deeply intimate with yourself. I understand how beyond uncomfortable it can be to look back at our old shelves and face all the old, unconscious ways of being we have been with ourselves and in relationship with others. When we tap in to those memories of who we used to be, we see how far we’ve come. It’s just another thing — a pretty profound thing — to be grateful for: That we have grown and developed from the intention to be the best of who we are as spiritual beings. Love and compassion for self reminds us that had we known differently, we would have acted differently: been kinder, more gentle, more compassionate, more thoughtful, more considerate and basically more loving — beginning with the relationship we have with ourselves. There is so much to be grateful for on the road of finding ones true self. I know from experience how approaching the fifth decade of living burns with a passion to know ourselves completely, to go deeper, to be wiser — and to share and give all of it and all of us — in a complete, authentic, and honest way. You’re doing that right now Bonnie. And, I must say, you’re doing it exquisitely.
Cynthia, I can and will bask in your works…how magnificent.
Thanks for sharing Bonnie! I’ll keep checking in, you keep writing. Looking forward to the books you are working on…!