The Big Wait
“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
There was a time not that long ago that I valued travel and adventure over all else. Put me in a car with a tank full of gas and a GPS and I was a happy woman. After three years of intentional home building, there is nothing more that I yearn for than home. I have gone from two extremes; the wanderer to the homebody.
The truth is, I am home whenever my heart is open. As I hang out in a state of impatience, my heart is closed and I go into an inward battle between what is and what I want. This battle is a guaranteed “lose” every time, yet I still engage in it.
So, how do I practice patience in a state of impatience? I don’t know. Yet, I’ve practiced loving I didn’t feel it and I’ve practiced generosity when I’ve felt impoverished, so this challenge ought to be worth my invesment.
I begin by getting centered in my body. I do this whenever I am cultivating a field. This is easy for me to do everywhere except Las Vegas. My being is overstimulated with noise, lights, artificial grass, and excess. And yet I know, centering into my being is essential. I try walking. No such luck as the loud traffic, blaring music and continual sound is too much. So I place myself into a room, light a candle, breath deep and follow my breath; in, out, up and down. I am closer to center, yet not quite there. I will take it.
I list my intentions. Top of my list is to be present for my daughter and helpful to her. I unpack with her, wash baby clothes, go shopping, and watch crummy movies. My inner voice is screaming “I am bored run,” and my Spirit remains steady desiring to experience pure, authentic, Patience — the kind born of Love. So I continue to wake up day after day; approaching two weeks. As I ponder how much longer I can take the wait, I turn my mind chatter off, move my energy toward my heart and start over.
To a PhD in Patience,