Insight | Bonnie Barnard - Part 11

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The Big Wait

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” Ralph Waldo Emerson There was a time not that long ago that I valued travel and adventure over all else. Put me in a car with a tank full of gas and a GPS and I was a happy woman. After three years of intentional home building, there is nothing more that I yearn for than home. I have gone from two extremes; the wanderer to the homebody. The truth is, I am home whenever my heart is open. As I hang out in a state of impatience, my heart is closed and I go into an inward battle between what is and what I want. This battle is a guaranteed “lose” every time, yet I still engage in it. So, how do I practice patience in a state of impatience? I don’t know. Yet, I’ve practiced loving I didn’t feel it and I’ve practiced generosity when I’ve felt impoverished, so this challenge ought to be worth my...

Poetry in My In-Box

On the phone with a friend yesterday, we spoke about the impending birth of my grand daughter. “How will I know if she is close to her arrival?” I inquired. “When your daughter begins nesting and preparing for her arrival, you will know. Washing the baby’s clothes is a clue,” says my buddy. If someone were to ask me a clue for when their Soul was preparing to open, I would say, “You become quiet and still. You see your life from a space of animated energy. You become a poetry magnet. You will consuming it or write it like your life depends upon it. Maybe both. Poetry pulls the Soul forward, or the Soul pulls it.” Ivan, of Poetry Chikhana knows this. Several times per week he compiles thoughtful poems, a thought for the day, and his insight into the poem. This week’s poem is deee-lish. www.Poetry-Chikhana.com Last night, as I was sleeping By Antonio Machado (1875 – 1939) English version by Robert Bly Last night,...

Learning to Small Talk

I have always envied the small talker. The person who could create conversation for no other reason than to converse. Jean Huston once signed a book for me and it read “To a woman who dives in the deep,” she knew me from one glance. I am the deep diver. And, I would like to feel comfortable in the shallow end splashing, as well. Frivolity could serve me well. A friend of mine was interested in a new art technique. She is a “deep” artist. Wanting to hang with her, I signed up for a class having no idea what I was saying yes to. Then, I walked into the craft store. Unbeknownst to me, this was a scrapbooking class. As if on another galaxy, I walk into a back room set up with tables in a “U” shape with ten other women. Each one had overstuffed craft bags or suitcases on rollers loaded with a minimum of $2,000 worth of art supplies. Each container had 100 plus specialty...

Easter and Taxes

Easter The Easter Message is one of resurrection. Life arises out of death. Love overcomes hate. Compassion is born. A new way of being takes form from that which no longer serves us. Easter is the recycling of energy within an individual, impacting current and future generations. The message isn’t limited to an historic event; but remains alive long as I live from the value of the teaching. My spiritual practice includes witnessing the resurrection process within myself. I see what no longer serves me or others and I call forth an Eternal Reality to replace the dead temporal thought pattern. This year I applied the resurrection principle to doing my taxes. Taxes My old thought pattern dreaded preparing for taxes. My old, old thought pattern hated and resented it. This year I chose to use my tax preparation as a way of being grateful. This is how I did it. 1. I lit a candle nearby my computer to begin the process. This set a tone of reverence...

Fighting for My Limitations

My dear friend called me last week. I was struggling with a decision around a quirky loan. I was sharing my “doubts” with my friend about signing this document, which terms seemed to change with every conversation I had with the lender. My friend said “you can pay this back easily, Bonnie,” which wasn’t really a part of the issue, but soon became a part of the conversation. “Bonnie, you got this one, it’s easy for you.” I could hear her certainty. “No it isn’t, let me tell you why….” I rebutted as I listed a whole host of reasons as to why I was going to fail. She shared a story with me of when she was in a similar situation and won. “This is how I looked at it prior to the decision and since then…” “Yes, but I’m not you and this is how we are different …..” another list of limitations came spewing out of my mouth. After ten minutes I felt so bad inside...

Meditating in the Dental Chair

There have been many times in my life when I have paused to give thanks for my meditation practice. Today, at the dentist was one of them. Let me back up. I learned to meditate out of my deep, deep hunger to connect with my inner spirit, to know God within me. I have been meditating daily for almost twenty years. And, yes, little-by-little meditation has supported me in clearing out the voices of the world so that I may hear my deep, small voice within speak to me. Meditation has also trained me in pausing to make conscious choices over reactive impulses. Learning to follow my breath, calm my body, and retrain my thoughts have been a bi-product of this practice. Today I’m at the dentist. Laying the dental chair with my mouth wide open, my body tenses as a needle makes its way toward me. I thought I was going in for filling replacement, and it turned out to become the first step of getting...