Faith, Faith and a Dose More of Faith
Today I am willing to let go of thinking I know everything. I see the Roller Derby of my mind, all of my opinions elbowing each other and jockeying for position. I see the ‘inner committee’ and laugh at its pushiness. I surrender to the space beyond the committee of opinions; the space that knows nothing and trusts everything. I make room for new discoveries — in the world, in myself and in others. Life is much better when I’m not a big smarty-pants. And so it is! Affirmation by Rev. Bonnie Rose, Ventura Center for Spiritual Living, November 6, 2013
One month ago today I woke up in my friend Heather’s home in Arizona, drove through three thunder and lightening storms with my car loaded from bottom to top with suitcases, clothes, salad dressings, photos, a few books, three overhead bags of toiletries, and three grocery bags of tea to land in West Hollywood, California on one of the hottest days of the year.
The first thing I notice when stepping into the apartment is how rank my body smells from the long drive and heat. Skunk-like stinky would cover it. What I notice next after making peace with the odor is the relief and gratitude for all of it; the family who rented my home in Phoenix, my friends in the desert who supported my leaving and stay in touch, the apartment I now live in and will be my home for the next two months and my friend Gino who shows up to help me unpack.
To celebrate the move, Gino an I went to dinner at a funky Thai restaurant
where Beatle memorabilia littered the walls. To me this is significant. It is a God-wink saying, “you done Good sister.” The Beatles as a band symbolize for me self expression, curiosity, a team of buddies walking through life together, and creativity.
One month later I sit in the apartment wondering to my self “what was I thinking?” Knowing it wasn’t thought and reason that brought me to this moment, but promise. A promise my heart gave to me to fulfill my work and connect with my people. And, my promise to my heart that I would listen and give it what it wants.
Faith is the evidence of things not yet seen. Every dream actualized begins in Faith. Every sustained love relationship depends upon Faith as a primary ingredient. The actions taken by visionaries; all stem from Faith. Faith is a muscle when exercised invites the heavy lifter into a greater relationship with The Unknown, or the Not-Yet-Known or The Never Known but Experienced. Faith is a quality of The Eternal, itself. Faith has a language of its own and speaks symbolically, as with the Beatle affirmation. I left in it, arrived in it, and now sit in it.
What does it take to step out in Faith? For me it started with a beckoning vision. I found myself in Los Angeles last year almost more than I was in Arizona. I came out of the love for my spiritual community, Agape. I came out of the love for my work as minister in the Spiritual Revival. I came out of love of friends. Love continued to pull me into the city.
Beckoning came first, along with the birth of desire. Then came a vision, mixed all up in it, of a potent ministry throughout the city. Doors began closing in Phoenix. Friends moved. Speaking gigs dried up. The heat, which once brought me to the city, now became unbearable. The energy of Los Angeles felt abundant and that of Phoenix ever-shriveling.
Courage and lots of decision making preceded the move. I told my closest buds and family who all encouraged me to do it. Once the decision was made to move, Courage was required for the next leg of the journey, lots of Courage. Courage to reach out to people who don’t know me and to introduce myself. Courage to discover a new neighborhood, or two, or three before deciding where to make home. Courage in the form of a willingness to be to-the-bones, naked-vulnerable with myself on what is mine to do, and what isn’t. This married to a spiritual practice of meditation, prayer, study, fellowship and tithing to keep me grounded when all else is shifting.
I invite you to spend some of your meditative quiet time in contemplating what your heart, not head, beckons within you. It is a lovely practice.
From my heart to yours,